there's been a lot going on lately.
my car got totaled by some jerkface that decided to take a left in front of me while i was going through an intersection. The resolution of that took almost 3 weeks so I've been in a rental that feels like a space ship compared to my destroyed 91 honda and will soon be buying a new to me car. hey, there's lots of good options for under $2500.
i've been feeling creatively stunted. this is probably an extension of me not being happy with the person i am or have been trying to be. i've been wanting to make major changes in myself since my last birthday and now that my next birthday is two weeks away, maybe it's time to get started on those changes. i hope the choices and changes i make will be for the better. bettering myself, bettering my life, bettering my comedy, bettering my marriage, bettering my world; these are good goals.
say "bettering" like 5 times, it's fun.
i have a herniated disc (i guess it's still herniated) that had hindered my movement and caused me a great deal of pain since March. Five months is a long time to constantly be in pain. We hadn't been going out (to open mics or shows) as much as we knew we should, i couldn't find anything funny so we weren't writing any new material and i was exhausted all the time just because i was constantly in pain. the weird thing is, my pain has DRAMATICALLY decreased since i was in the car accident. so after the accident, i felt better physically, but with no car, no material and no real sense of what to do, i again felt paralyzed.
i've also been dealing with an internal battle to be a decent person and make the right decisions and make sure that people like me. i had been more worried about what people will think of me than what i really want to do. i now feel that i've made a few changes that will help me grow as a person.
i know you're not supposed to care what people think of you, but i do. i want to be seen as a kind person and a good friend. i want to please everyone and be everything to everyone, but it's exhausting and soul crushing.
i want to share who i really am with the world. i know i have a good heart and a lot of love to give, so i'm going to do that. i hope you're in my way when it happens so i can share me with you.
