Things are
bonkers, Babies. There’s so much Hate in this world and it breaks my soul. Can
I please give you all a hug? It would make me feel so much better. There’s so
much sadness and pain and I can’t do anything about and it hurts like hell.
As we bring 2015 to a close, 2016 looms. Like most of you, this has been kind of a
sucky year for me/us. I’ve had more migraines this year than every other year of
my life combined. I found out, after being put on disability for 3 months, that
the back pain I’ve had since high school is never going to go away, it’s just
not fixable. We gave our car up after the second towing in a year. I couldn’t
pay tickets because I didn’t receive Disability insurance until 2 weeks before
I was to return to work. It’s very scary to be alive not knowing when you’ll
get paid again. I’m not telling you guys anything you don’t know. We got (and
got rid of) bed bugs. We slept on the floor for 6 weeks while waiting on
Disability money. I lost trust for the doctor I was so excited to have found at
the beginning of the year. I was informed the job I’ve been working at since we
moved to LA will be nonexistent in March. I have 64 days to figure out what to
do next. I want to do more with my life than sit behind a desk and get bullied
by rich people all day. Well, I guess I want the right rich people to bully me.
There’s so much I want to say. I feel myself growing more and more isolated. I
feel like I have so little in common with those around me that I don’t even
know where to begin to try to connect. Maybe I’m just fading. I don’t need more
outlets for this feeling, I need more focus. I need more time. Don’t we all?
More time with Jeremy, more time to make real friends that I can text silly
things to, more time to share me with the world. Sometimes I really like me. I
think other people would, too. We haven’t
been out as much as we “should” and definitely not as much as we would want to
be. Please don’t forget us, we’re still here and we still love you and want to
see you.
