Night of a thousand fucktards.

First off: Don't go see Transporter 3 if it can be helped at all.

Last night my husband and I went to an advance movie screening (as we do several times a month) and saw Transporter 3. Yes Jason Statham is ridiculously hot, but not even his perfect abs and sexy voice could save that movie. But my poor opinion of this movie may have been influenced by the assholes that ended up sitting next to me. We were sitting in the Press row and there were three empty seats beside me, the theatre was getting so packed that they let common folk sit in our row and they took those seats. Now, normally I wouldn't have given two shits about sitting by someone I didn't know, but the people who sat next to me - a mom, and what i'm guessing were her two sons- were the kind of people comics make shitty routines about. -Except they were white The guy who sat next to me was obviously drunk and carrying a beer (they sell alcohol at the theatre) there was another guy, and then, "Momma."
The guy and Momma were talking at the same volume you'd expect if they were in the trailor watching rasslin' with a bucket of beer and tater chips about something, I wasn't really paying attention since everyone was still talking, people were settling in and the lights hadn't gone down so I expected them to talk. When the lights did go down, however, they kept talking REALLY loud. Transporter 3's beginning is a lot like a music video, lots of flashing and slow-mo, so already it was cheezy, so I could tell it was going to be kind of sucky and the people next to me were the kind of people who yell shit at the movie, saying things like "Oh Shit!" and "Momma, you wan' somma m'beer?" and even a wretched-smelling beer belch. At one point, about 20 minutes in, the guy next to me starts getting really restless. Here's the conversation that followed:

Guy: I'm bored, Momma, this movie's boring.

Momma: Well do you wanna leave?

Guy: I want another beer, give me five dollars.

Momma: I don't know if I have five dollars, let me look...No, baby, I'm sorry.

Guy: PSSSHH, Man! I wanna go to a bar!

Momma: Well, I think there's some bars around here

Guy: Yeah but y'all'll leave me here

Momma: You wanna go to Fast Eddie's? [Other kid's name] will walk in and get you when we're done.

Guy: Yeah, ok.
::Guy Leaves::

Momma: (I think she was talking to someone else in the theatre) My son's only 24. We were all like that.

At this point I'm assuming the worst is over and there will be relative quiet for the rest of the movie. Oh, poor naive child I am...Momma starts talking to the screen again and I'm about to lose my shit. Just then I remember that I keep ear plugs in my purse in case we're at a concert that gets too loud. I got my ear plugs out and put one in my left ear to try to block that see you next tuesday out. For the rest of the movie she is mostly inaudiable (by me and my plugged ear), though not silent by any means. After the movie was over, Jeremy informed me of what I had been suspicious: Even after an announcement by the theatre to turn off all cell phones, after the woman was SPECIFICALLY asked to turn her phone off, this woman had a conversation on her cell phone with the son that had already left the theatre. As you can imagine, I sat in angered silence, saying nothing because i'm a huge pussy. Anyway the movie sucked and the girl in it has a freckle on her lip that looks like a huge cold sore so don't go see it. and if you do go see it and end up next to some assholes, don't be a pussy like me.

Ahh...you're probably thinking to yourself, "Lauren, you said "night of a thousand fucktards, not the fucktards go to a movie!" You're thinking, "what other senario of the evening could possibly have matched this level of stupidity?" I'll tell you.

Jeremy and I had decided before we watched Transporter 3 to get WALL-E on BluRay for me on the way home, so we stopped at Blockbuster but they didn't have any in stock. So we didn't get it but we did go home with a rented copy of Guitar Hero World Tour (the assholes that make the game were supposed to send us a copy but never did). So we end up playing until almost 1 in the morning and realize we haven't eaten yet and now I'm starving. So we go to Taco Cabana. Next is the conversation that transpired via the drive-through:

Taco Cabana Person: thanyoumemnajTaco Cabana, may I take your order?

Jeremy: Yeah, I'd like the 2 enchilada plate with sour cream chicken, a personal super nachos and a barbacoa taco. [the barbacoa taco is a breakfast item that is served from midnight to 11am]

TCP: Uh, it's not twelve yet so we aren't serving breakfast.
::Jeremy and I pause long enough to look at the car's clock and our phones (which all read between 12:55 and 12:58 AM) and look at eachother incredulously::

Jeremy: It's almost one o'clock in the morning.

TCP: Uh...no it's not.

This is where I start laughing and tell jeremy just to order something else, he does and we pull forward.

So sitting in line, waiting for our food, jeremy and I are just completely awed by the level of idiocy that went in to that conversation. I was laughing, but it was mostly because I was mad that they were too fucking lazy to have made the barbacoa when they were supposed to so they just lied to us. If they had just said that there wasn't any barbacoa right then, we would have just ordered something else, what the fuck man?

So I think the moral of this story is something like: Don't go to Taco C at one o'clock thursday night/friday morning, they don't put out their A Game. or Don't go see movies that are made for people with IQs of less than 100.