a woman jumped off the hotel i work in

I work at a hotel in Beverly Hills. Over the weekend a woman jumped from the 10th floor, landing in front of our restaurant and dying on impact.
A few things are bothering me about this.
First and foremost is because the thought of jumping off this building myself has crossed my mind. While the idea seems quick, convenient and painless, knowing someone has followed through with that impulse puts a new perspective on it.
The woman was "about 30;" I'm almost 30. She kept a blog; I've starting keeping up with mine again or at least trying to. She obviously felt this was her only choice; I know that feeling.
I can't stop thinking about the intense loneliness she must have felt, the pain of not being able to understand or deal with her problems in a way that was productive, that final decision and the moment she jumped. 
I can't find anything online about this, we were just told in our morning meeting. I don't know her name. I don't know anything else about her, but I wish I could have been there to hold her hand and tell her that her life is worth more than she could imagine. I wish that I could believe that I would be strong for someone in need, but when I can't even do that for myself, how do I expect to do that for any one else?

I wish someone would hold my hand and tell me that all my worries, fears and insecurities aren't real and don't matter.

I'm totes a hero now and I feel like shit about it.

We had a weird thing happen on Saturday that I just kind of need to share I guess. We were walking from an open mic in Hollywood to a show that was half a mile down the street so that we didn’t have to try to find parking again, we thought it would be easier to just walk. We had just crossed an intersection and a cop was at the light about to turn left. Once we got across the intersection I saw two super drunk people, a man and a woman, stumbling around the sidewalk about 30 yards down. I thought oh great, we get to deal with walking by these people and I pointed them out to Jeremy. The next second I looked up and the woman was on the ground and the man was kicking her. I ran back to the intersection and yelled at the cop who luckily had his window down, “Sir! There’s a man kicking a woman on the sidewalk over here!” I explained where they were and I saw him pull over to help. We didn’t stay, I didn’t really want to get involved any further, I just wanted that guy to stop beating the woman. My adrenaline was pumping like crazy after and I almost cried, but I was ok after minute. It was just weird. I’ve never actually been in a situation like that and certainly never been in a position to actually help. 

On Sunday I told a small group of comedians we were hanging out with what happened. Their response was not quite what I expected, well honestly, I don't know what I expected. After I told them my story, they (jokingly because we're all comics) started telling me how I may have ruined that girl's evening because what if that's what they do for fun? What if that's the only way she can get off? He probably had a perfectly good reason for doing what he did. She probably deserved it. 

I know they were joking, I know they were just giving me a hard time because what DO you say when someone tells you a story like that? But it still hurt me more than I've been hurt in a long time. I felt like such an asshole for intervening in someone's life. I guess what I should have done is nothing. 

For some reason I felt the need to be the one to speak up, and when I did I was ridiculed.

somewhat serendipitous

In two weeks Jeremy and I are leaving for California whether California is ready or not. Two weeks ago, I requested a transfer within the company i work for to Sunny Southern California. Last week, Wednesday I think, I spoke with my HR about a position as an administrative assistant for Sales and Catering at a west LA hotel. Friday (three days ago) I was working at the front desk (my current job) and happened to check-in the Associate Director of Catering for the hotel I just applied with. That's right. Crazy I know. I got the opportunity to talk with her after my shift that day and I feel like I made a good impression. Keep your fingers and other digits crossed.

Also, I was shopping for a friend's wedding at Target today. I picked out two gifts not wanting to seem cheap, but not wanting to spend a fortune either. Then I found a really cute bag and tissue paper cause I'm sure as fuck not going to be wrapping anything. I wasn't really paying attention to what the check out girl was doing, as I figured she was having me pay for all of my items and I was deep in thought about the thank you letter i'd be writing to the Associate Catering Director in LA. My total came out to less than $20 and I figured she just hadn't charged me for one of my items and I felt that maybe that was a good thing since I really shouldn't be spending too much on wedding presents when I'm about to be moving across the country. Anyway, the cashier gave me my receipt, I picked up my bag and started to walk toward the door. I looked at the receipt and sure enough, she hadn't scanned in the more expensive of the presents. I then looked in my bag -- and there it was. I passed through the security poles expecting lights and loud sirens to go off, I saw myself spending all afternoon explaining myself in the manager's office, but I was greeted with silence. I calmly walked to the car, left, and immediately called Jeremy so I wouldn't feel like a thief.
It was an accidental theft! it's for a good cause! I'm not keeping it, I really am still going to give it to them. I thought about telling them, but I don't want to taint their marriage, they're nice kids.

An actual conversation between my wonderful husband and myself.

Me (totally not intoxicated): So I think we should rethink the French Teacher movie. I think maybe we should have her have a job I actually know something about.

Jeremy (equally "not intoxicated"): What do you mean?

Me: Well like a hotel front desk agent or something I know about.

Jeremy: Yeah! And there's this monkey that checks in...

Me: Oh, yeah? And his name is Dunston?

Jeremy: No, no. It's where Dustin Diamond Checks In! To make porn!

Me: Eww!

Jeremy: Can you imagine cleaning up after that?

Me: Eww!

Jeremy laughs, then: Man, I totally blocked that out, I haven't thought about that in a long time, have you?

Me: What? Do you think I just sit around thinking about Dustin Diamond giving people Dirty Sanchezes all day? Jesus!

Jeremy laughs uncontrollably.

fun with crayons part 2

Hey Dudes!
I've recently colored several new pictures so now yous guys get so see them. And you'd better appreciated it cause it was a bitch scanning these things in. I ran out of computer paper so some of them are on notebook paper. Improvisation is my specialty.

Now that I've finally uploaded a picture...here's Lady D and Mindfuck in their formal wear

Next up we have "where's my bus?"

Orange is taking over...


I call this one "sing swan song"

Just for you! A sneak peek at a scene from Bible Hero Squadron Episode 4
Thug Life!

Smooth Sailing

Sunny Skies
This one needs a name

The Conductor
And finally, my favorite:

SXSW 2009

This past week I went to the South By Southwest festival with Jeremy and though you can see a lot of great shows for free, next year I'm getting a wristband.
The first day party we went to (on Wednesday) we got to see these people:



This is part of Horse Feathers. They kind of sound like Iron and Wine or Sufjan Stevens. They're a lot like aural klonopin.




We also saw this cool chick :
She's from (something) with the Get Down Stay Down. They sound kind of funkish/country. They're really cool and they put on a great show. She even told the crowd how she stole from Whole Foods that day.




We also saw Marnie Stern
She taught herself to play the guitar and fingertaps in this crazy way that's really cool. A picture really doesn't do her justice so here's a video.





The Thermals were the last to play, they put on a really good show and the girl next to me was really excited to see them. All in all, a great start to SX09. Until I realized how sick I was feeling. --Let me back up.
Monday I had gone to the Chiropractor to get my back adjusted and put my hip back in place so that I could walk during the festival. That afternoon, though my hip was feeling better, my arms started feeling weird. I couldn't really figure out the connection (if any) but I figured it was from getting my back all cracked and stuff. So Tuesday I went back to the Chiropractor to see how my body took to the first adjustment. After this appointment, I think I was mostly concerned with getting us ready to go to Austin that I wasn't really paying attention to how I was physically feeling. Wednesday I was nauseus and my muscles felt very strange. My arms didn't feel like they belonged on my body. Thursday I thought I was going to have to go to the ER. I felt like I couldn't get my blood sugar up and that no matter how nauseous I was, I couldn't throw up. It sucked big time. Friday Jeremy and I started the day with a shitton of Vitamin C (the vitamin, not the singer) and I felt a lot better. Saturday I finally felt good enough to drink alcohol again for a while, but I didn't want to push it.

--Ok back to the music.
Wednesday night Jeremy got to see the Decemberists play their new album "The Hazards of Love" in its entirety and I was very very jealous. Not having a ticket blows. The good news is that I was able to hear the whole thing perfectly from outside and Jeremy said I didn't really miss anything. They aren't exciting on stage I guess. Thursday I didn't really see any shows. Jeremy went to see some bands, but I just hung out with our friends from Dallas and tried to take it easy. (check out the SACurrent's blog at http://sacurrent.com/blog/default.asp - Lots of great coverage by Abbie Kopf, Jeremy Martin, Johnston Farrow and Chuck Kerr) Friday, same story. Saturday, though -- HOLY SHIT! We went to the best party of SX. This party was outside under a tent with a big shade tree, free food and an open bar. The weather in Austin was beautiful and the music was amazing. After a couple of vodka-tonics I was ready for some music (and a cigarette). We heard The Little Ones, some other band that I can't remember the name of and then...the best show of the week...JANELLE MONAE!!
Yes, Janelle Monae again. But seriously, watch.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. This bitch is amazing.

Isn't she just gorgeous?
Miss Jane performed her album "Metropolis: The Chase Suite" This is from her entrance/first song and she kept this level of energy up the for her whole set. The coolest thing about Jeremy's job is getting to do stuff like this and going to cool concerts and getting to stand on the front row. I know I'm a total nerd for Janelle and when Jeremy took me to get a shirt I totally geeked out to her merch guy. Seriously you guys, she's about to be huge, just give her like 6 months and she's going to be everywhere.

That night we went to see the Crystal Method (thanks Brian and Abbie!). This was my first electronic music show. I really enjoyed it! It may have been better had we gotten some E or acid or something. But it really was a lot of fun.

So, a great week in Austin. I'm so glad I got to see our friends from Dallas and get to know some really cool people better. Not as much drunkeness as I'd like, but it may have saved us some money. I hope Jeremy had fun, I know I was hard to deal with on Thursday and Friday, I'm sorry babe.

And now I leave you with more Monae:

Down and out in Beverly Hills

So, I didn't get cast in the play. I did make it to call backs though. I did my best, but I'm still disappointed. I'm not discouraged, just disappointed. It really meant a lot to me, but I'm not bitter (I swear). I'm actually sitting backstage right now, Mariner is on its second week of performances and after tonight there are two more shows then we do strike on Sunday. That means we'll be breaking down the stage and cleaning up so that we can start building the set for The Imaginary Invalid. I was doing alright, I hadn't cried or anything. Then I talked to my dad tonight. He asked me how auditions went and I told him I hadn't made the play and it seemed like he didn't even care. I know I shouldn't take it personally, but it still hurt my feelings. Then of course I started crying while I was trying to set out the props, sweep the stage, make sure the pea souper (dry ice fogger) was working and make sure everything is in place.
I don't really know the point of this blog, I just wanted to talk about it.