too scared to post this on facebook, so here it is where no one will see it

Things are bonkers, Babies. There’s so much Hate in this world and it breaks my soul. Can I please give you all a hug? It would make me feel so much better. There’s so much sadness and pain and I can’t do anything about and it hurts like hell.

 As we bring 2015 to a close, 2016 looms.  Like most of you, this has been kind of a sucky year for me/us. I’ve had more migraines this year than every other year of my life combined. I found out, after being put on disability for 3 months, that the back pain I’ve had since high school is never going to go away, it’s just not fixable. We gave our car up after the second towing in a year. I couldn’t pay tickets because I didn’t receive Disability insurance until 2 weeks before I was to return to work. It’s very scary to be alive not knowing when you’ll get paid again. I’m not telling you guys anything you don’t know. We got (and got rid of) bed bugs. We slept on the floor for 6 weeks while waiting on Disability money. I lost trust for the doctor I was so excited to have found at the beginning of the year. I was informed the job I’ve been working at since we moved to LA will be nonexistent in March. I have 64 days to figure out what to do next. I want to do more with my life than sit behind a desk and get bullied by rich people all day. Well, I guess I want the right rich people to bully me. There’s so much I want to say. I feel myself growing more and more isolated. I feel like I have so little in common with those around me that I don’t even know where to begin to try to connect. Maybe I’m just fading. I don’t need more outlets for this feeling, I need more focus. I need more time. Don’t we all? More time with Jeremy, more time to make real friends that I can text silly things to, more time to share me with the world. Sometimes I really like me. I think other people would, too.  We haven’t been out as much as we “should” and definitely not as much as we would want to be. Please don’t forget us, we’re still here and we still love you and want to see you.

someone help please

i feel so alone. i feel like there's nothing left for me. My body is trying to kill me and the rest of the world wants me gone. i think i honestly need to be hospitalized. i think that's the only way i'm going to get a break of any sort. i'm exhausted. i'm done. i'm finished.

hey coyote

I know my pain is less than others and more than some. I know I'm not special in my hurting. I'm grateful for my "good days." The days that I don't worry so much. The days that I don't feel so lonely. The days when the sadness and clouds keep a safe distance.
So many days I wish I could swing from the chandeliers again. I wish alcohol wasn't such a great way to escape and ignore responsibilities and not feel bad about it. I want to have the kind of real life that some people seem to have. I don't know for sure what they're doing but it seems like they're having fun. They seem to have a life outside of their homes and offices. Or are they just happy being home and watching TV? Should I settle on this life and figure out how to be happy with banality?
I'm doing what I can to make things better for myself, but change and progress take time. I understand that. I know, logically, that I can't scream at nothing until something better happens for me/us.
My husband is just the greatest. He is so happy and optimistic and keeps me going. I'm sure it's exhausting for him; he's a champion. He's a warrior. He's my true Rock. But Love isn't all you need.
I need inner peace. I need to find why I deserve the things I want. I need confidence. I need joy. I need time to sit in the grass and just Be. I need to have no needs for 5 minutes. Is there an Eternal Sunshine machine that can erase the things that give me anxiety and depression? Is there a different combination of pills I should be on? So many questions and I have no answers. I have to find them within myself but I hate looking at me - though that is all I talk about. But seriously, have you seen me? It's gross.

here it comes again

the wave of fear. apprehension. unworthiness. absolute fear. no fight; all flight.
this is my normal? numb. heavy limbs. restless thoughts. deep, deep unnameable emotion (dreadsorrow is the only thing i can think of). Failure. I am the noun and the verb. i can't seem to stay connected to anything. joy is fleeting and passion is nonexistent.
pressure to be perfect is the worst when it comes from within. no one cares if i'm perfect except me. no one cares if i exist at all.
we are stardust. we are golden. who's this we? you got a frog in your pocket?
i am the grossest.

echo

Hello? Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me.
All I hear is me. My words ricocheting around my head penetrating my soul. How big is the soul? How do I let it go when it's time? How do I know it's time? Where is my mind?

I'm so unoriginal that I have to express myself in other people's words. Where do these feelings come from? Feeling that I will never be good enough. Feeling that I don't belong here (as in Earth.) Can I please go to Mars?
I can't stop thinking everyone hates me everyone hates me everyone hates me everyone hates me everyone hates me everyone hates me everyone hates me everyone hates me everyone hates me. I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me.
Hate is such a strong word. A strong word thrown around like we're making it rain. Hate Rain. There is no in between. Love, accept, adore. Hate, reject, disdain. Hopelessness. Emptiness. Constant emptiness.
Where is my joy? What makes me happy? 
help
i'm so numb

back to stardust

This is my scream in to the void. I wish I could dematerialize back in to stardust. Just a poof and glitter and I can be gone. Away from the material needs, away from the physical needs, away from the creative drive that is slowly killing me. I’m drowning. I can’t breathe. Someone make this seem all worthwhile.

So much pain, I can’t leave, I can’t be home, I can’t be here. I can’t do anything. I’m paralyzed with fear. Paralyzed with loneliness. Surrounded by love and so, so alone. So empty. So much pain.

I need a sanitarium. I need some time to think. I need a safe place and a straitjacket.  I need strength. I need unwarranted confidence in myself. I need a break. I need help. I need I need I need. My needs are so much less than everyone else’s why do I complain? I’ve never been raped or assaulted; I’ve never been homeless or unfed; I’ve never known real Need. I’m good friends with pain. Physical, emotional, mental. Why can’t I put in to words this pain, this emptiness?

It’s all in my head. Mind over matter. Buck up little buckaroo. Just keep swimming. Don’t just dream it, be it. You can shine no matter what you’re made of.

How do you ask for a friend when everyone else needs one too? How can I put my pain above others’? What makes me think I’m any better or worse off than anyone else? Who the fuck do I think I am? Honestly, No One. I am No One. I am Nothing.

What am I even trying to do? If I’m on this Earth, someone said, then I have a purpose. What is mine? To suffer as all beings do? To never be fulfilled by a desk job that suppresses my true Self? I’m a non-entity in all aspects of my life. Inconsequential. Just another piece that can be replaced with a newer, shinier model once it’s broken.  Another faceless face. Another nothing in the sea of nothing. It’s all useless. All I’m going to accomplish with my life is death. I’ll be reincarnated into something worse because I didn’t learn my lesson the first time. Maybe my lesson is to not try. Just give up. Just. Give. Up. There is nothing for me. There is no hope, no reasons. But the world won’t stop for my broken soul. Who am I? What am I? Why am I? If I don’t know by now, the answers must be Nobody, Nothing, and the answer to why is...welp, it’s easier to keep breathing than to stop.

My absence wouldn’t cause that much of a difference. For most, it would be no difference at all. What do I do? How do I stop this pain and forget the fact that it will come again and again and again.

learning a lot and growing less than i want to...

there's been a lot going on lately.

my car got totaled by some jerkface that decided to take a left in front of me while i was going through an intersection. The resolution of that took almost 3 weeks so I've been in a rental that feels like a space ship compared to my destroyed 91 honda and will soon be buying a new to me car. hey, there's lots of good options for under $2500.

i've been feeling creatively stunted. this is probably an extension of me not being happy with the person i am or have been trying to be. i've been wanting to make major changes in myself since my last birthday and now that my next birthday is two weeks away, maybe it's time to get started on those changes. i hope the choices and changes i make will be for the better. bettering myself, bettering my life, bettering my comedy, bettering my marriage, bettering my world; these are good goals.

say "bettering" like 5 times, it's fun.

i have a herniated disc (i guess it's still herniated) that had hindered my movement and caused me a great deal of pain since March. Five months is a long time to constantly be in pain. We hadn't been going out (to open mics or shows) as much as we knew we should, i couldn't find anything funny so we weren't writing any new material and i was exhausted all the time just because i was constantly in pain. the weird thing is, my pain has DRAMATICALLY decreased since i was in the car accident. so after the accident, i felt better physically, but with no car, no material and no real sense of what to do, i again felt paralyzed.

i've also been dealing with an internal battle to be a decent person and make the right decisions and make sure that people like me. i had been more worried about what people will think of me than what i really want to do. i now feel that i've made a few changes that will help me grow as a person.

i know you're not supposed to care what people think of you, but i do. i want to be seen as a kind person and a good friend. i want to please everyone and be everything to everyone, but it's exhausting and soul crushing.

i want to share who i really am with the world. i know i have a good heart and a lot of love to give, so i'm going to do that. i hope you're in my way when it happens so i can share me with you.

a woman jumped off the hotel i work in

I work at a hotel in Beverly Hills. Over the weekend a woman jumped from the 10th floor, landing in front of our restaurant and dying on impact.
A few things are bothering me about this.
First and foremost is because the thought of jumping off this building myself has crossed my mind. While the idea seems quick, convenient and painless, knowing someone has followed through with that impulse puts a new perspective on it.
The woman was "about 30;" I'm almost 30. She kept a blog; I've starting keeping up with mine again or at least trying to. She obviously felt this was her only choice; I know that feeling.
I can't stop thinking about the intense loneliness she must have felt, the pain of not being able to understand or deal with her problems in a way that was productive, that final decision and the moment she jumped. 
I can't find anything online about this, we were just told in our morning meeting. I don't know her name. I don't know anything else about her, but I wish I could have been there to hold her hand and tell her that her life is worth more than she could imagine. I wish that I could believe that I would be strong for someone in need, but when I can't even do that for myself, how do I expect to do that for any one else?

I wish someone would hold my hand and tell me that all my worries, fears and insecurities aren't real and don't matter.

I'm totes a hero now and I feel like shit about it.

We had a weird thing happen on Saturday that I just kind of need to share I guess. We were walking from an open mic in Hollywood to a show that was half a mile down the street so that we didn’t have to try to find parking again, we thought it would be easier to just walk. We had just crossed an intersection and a cop was at the light about to turn left. Once we got across the intersection I saw two super drunk people, a man and a woman, stumbling around the sidewalk about 30 yards down. I thought oh great, we get to deal with walking by these people and I pointed them out to Jeremy. The next second I looked up and the woman was on the ground and the man was kicking her. I ran back to the intersection and yelled at the cop who luckily had his window down, “Sir! There’s a man kicking a woman on the sidewalk over here!” I explained where they were and I saw him pull over to help. We didn’t stay, I didn’t really want to get involved any further, I just wanted that guy to stop beating the woman. My adrenaline was pumping like crazy after and I almost cried, but I was ok after minute. It was just weird. I’ve never actually been in a situation like that and certainly never been in a position to actually help. 

On Sunday I told a small group of comedians we were hanging out with what happened. Their response was not quite what I expected, well honestly, I don't know what I expected. After I told them my story, they (jokingly because we're all comics) started telling me how I may have ruined that girl's evening because what if that's what they do for fun? What if that's the only way she can get off? He probably had a perfectly good reason for doing what he did. She probably deserved it. 

I know they were joking, I know they were just giving me a hard time because what DO you say when someone tells you a story like that? But it still hurt me more than I've been hurt in a long time. I felt like such an asshole for intervening in someone's life. I guess what I should have done is nothing. 

For some reason I felt the need to be the one to speak up, and when I did I was ridiculed.

somewhat serendipitous

In two weeks Jeremy and I are leaving for California whether California is ready or not. Two weeks ago, I requested a transfer within the company i work for to Sunny Southern California. Last week, Wednesday I think, I spoke with my HR about a position as an administrative assistant for Sales and Catering at a west LA hotel. Friday (three days ago) I was working at the front desk (my current job) and happened to check-in the Associate Director of Catering for the hotel I just applied with. That's right. Crazy I know. I got the opportunity to talk with her after my shift that day and I feel like I made a good impression. Keep your fingers and other digits crossed.

Also, I was shopping for a friend's wedding at Target today. I picked out two gifts not wanting to seem cheap, but not wanting to spend a fortune either. Then I found a really cute bag and tissue paper cause I'm sure as fuck not going to be wrapping anything. I wasn't really paying attention to what the check out girl was doing, as I figured she was having me pay for all of my items and I was deep in thought about the thank you letter i'd be writing to the Associate Catering Director in LA. My total came out to less than $20 and I figured she just hadn't charged me for one of my items and I felt that maybe that was a good thing since I really shouldn't be spending too much on wedding presents when I'm about to be moving across the country. Anyway, the cashier gave me my receipt, I picked up my bag and started to walk toward the door. I looked at the receipt and sure enough, she hadn't scanned in the more expensive of the presents. I then looked in my bag -- and there it was. I passed through the security poles expecting lights and loud sirens to go off, I saw myself spending all afternoon explaining myself in the manager's office, but I was greeted with silence. I calmly walked to the car, left, and immediately called Jeremy so I wouldn't feel like a thief.
It was an accidental theft! it's for a good cause! I'm not keeping it, I really am still going to give it to them. I thought about telling them, but I don't want to taint their marriage, they're nice kids.

An actual conversation between my wonderful husband and myself.

Me (totally not intoxicated): So I think we should rethink the French Teacher movie. I think maybe we should have her have a job I actually know something about.

Jeremy (equally "not intoxicated"): What do you mean?

Me: Well like a hotel front desk agent or something I know about.

Jeremy: Yeah! And there's this monkey that checks in...

Me: Oh, yeah? And his name is Dunston?

Jeremy: No, no. It's where Dustin Diamond Checks In! To make porn!

Me: Eww!

Jeremy: Can you imagine cleaning up after that?

Me: Eww!

Jeremy laughs, then: Man, I totally blocked that out, I haven't thought about that in a long time, have you?

Me: What? Do you think I just sit around thinking about Dustin Diamond giving people Dirty Sanchezes all day? Jesus!

Jeremy laughs uncontrollably.

fun with crayons part 2

Hey Dudes!
I've recently colored several new pictures so now yous guys get so see them. And you'd better appreciated it cause it was a bitch scanning these things in. I ran out of computer paper so some of them are on notebook paper. Improvisation is my specialty.

Now that I've finally uploaded a picture...here's Lady D and Mindfuck in their formal wear

Next up we have "where's my bus?"

Orange is taking over...


I call this one "sing swan song"

Just for you! A sneak peek at a scene from Bible Hero Squadron Episode 4
Thug Life!

Smooth Sailing

Sunny Skies
This one needs a name

The Conductor
And finally, my favorite:

SXSW 2009

This past week I went to the South By Southwest festival with Jeremy and though you can see a lot of great shows for free, next year I'm getting a wristband.
The first day party we went to (on Wednesday) we got to see these people:



This is part of Horse Feathers. They kind of sound like Iron and Wine or Sufjan Stevens. They're a lot like aural klonopin.




We also saw this cool chick :
She's from (something) with the Get Down Stay Down. They sound kind of funkish/country. They're really cool and they put on a great show. She even told the crowd how she stole from Whole Foods that day.




We also saw Marnie Stern
She taught herself to play the guitar and fingertaps in this crazy way that's really cool. A picture really doesn't do her justice so here's a video.





The Thermals were the last to play, they put on a really good show and the girl next to me was really excited to see them. All in all, a great start to SX09. Until I realized how sick I was feeling. --Let me back up.
Monday I had gone to the Chiropractor to get my back adjusted and put my hip back in place so that I could walk during the festival. That afternoon, though my hip was feeling better, my arms started feeling weird. I couldn't really figure out the connection (if any) but I figured it was from getting my back all cracked and stuff. So Tuesday I went back to the Chiropractor to see how my body took to the first adjustment. After this appointment, I think I was mostly concerned with getting us ready to go to Austin that I wasn't really paying attention to how I was physically feeling. Wednesday I was nauseus and my muscles felt very strange. My arms didn't feel like they belonged on my body. Thursday I thought I was going to have to go to the ER. I felt like I couldn't get my blood sugar up and that no matter how nauseous I was, I couldn't throw up. It sucked big time. Friday Jeremy and I started the day with a shitton of Vitamin C (the vitamin, not the singer) and I felt a lot better. Saturday I finally felt good enough to drink alcohol again for a while, but I didn't want to push it.

--Ok back to the music.
Wednesday night Jeremy got to see the Decemberists play their new album "The Hazards of Love" in its entirety and I was very very jealous. Not having a ticket blows. The good news is that I was able to hear the whole thing perfectly from outside and Jeremy said I didn't really miss anything. They aren't exciting on stage I guess. Thursday I didn't really see any shows. Jeremy went to see some bands, but I just hung out with our friends from Dallas and tried to take it easy. (check out the SACurrent's blog at http://sacurrent.com/blog/default.asp - Lots of great coverage by Abbie Kopf, Jeremy Martin, Johnston Farrow and Chuck Kerr) Friday, same story. Saturday, though -- HOLY SHIT! We went to the best party of SX. This party was outside under a tent with a big shade tree, free food and an open bar. The weather in Austin was beautiful and the music was amazing. After a couple of vodka-tonics I was ready for some music (and a cigarette). We heard The Little Ones, some other band that I can't remember the name of and then...the best show of the week...JANELLE MONAE!!
Yes, Janelle Monae again. But seriously, watch.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. This bitch is amazing.

Isn't she just gorgeous?
Miss Jane performed her album "Metropolis: The Chase Suite" This is from her entrance/first song and she kept this level of energy up the for her whole set. The coolest thing about Jeremy's job is getting to do stuff like this and going to cool concerts and getting to stand on the front row. I know I'm a total nerd for Janelle and when Jeremy took me to get a shirt I totally geeked out to her merch guy. Seriously you guys, she's about to be huge, just give her like 6 months and she's going to be everywhere.

That night we went to see the Crystal Method (thanks Brian and Abbie!). This was my first electronic music show. I really enjoyed it! It may have been better had we gotten some E or acid or something. But it really was a lot of fun.

So, a great week in Austin. I'm so glad I got to see our friends from Dallas and get to know some really cool people better. Not as much drunkeness as I'd like, but it may have saved us some money. I hope Jeremy had fun, I know I was hard to deal with on Thursday and Friday, I'm sorry babe.

And now I leave you with more Monae:

Down and out in Beverly Hills

So, I didn't get cast in the play. I did make it to call backs though. I did my best, but I'm still disappointed. I'm not discouraged, just disappointed. It really meant a lot to me, but I'm not bitter (I swear). I'm actually sitting backstage right now, Mariner is on its second week of performances and after tonight there are two more shows then we do strike on Sunday. That means we'll be breaking down the stage and cleaning up so that we can start building the set for The Imaginary Invalid. I was doing alright, I hadn't cried or anything. Then I talked to my dad tonight. He asked me how auditions went and I told him I hadn't made the play and it seemed like he didn't even care. I know I shouldn't take it personally, but it still hurt my feelings. Then of course I started crying while I was trying to set out the props, sweep the stage, make sure the pea souper (dry ice fogger) was working and make sure everything is in place.
I don't really know the point of this blog, I just wanted to talk about it.

So I just auditioned. Scary shit man. Scary shit. I've got to get over this stage-fright stuff. I feel like I did alright, but that my nerves were showing in a big way. Everybody laughed when they were supposed to and everything, but at one point my right knee was shaking really bad. I took the long way home after auditions. The long way being way out of the way just to calm down. I was nervous before, but I really wanted to throw up and cry afterward. Keep your fingers crossed guys.
Love,
LTM

If I kiss you where it's sore, will you feel better?

Hi Everybody!
I have 2 and a half hours before I need to be back at school. Being in theater is ridiculously time consuming and I haven't had more than about 10 minutes to myself in a long time. Think about that. Ten minutes isn't even long enough to masturbate properly...maybe that's why I've been so edgy lately.
Anywhozzle.
The play opened last night. (YAY!) The San Antonio College Theatre and Speech department would like to invite you to see Mariner, a story about Christopher Columbus. Trust me, it's great. I'm on the props crew for this production. ("Oh Lauren, those shears you made look so life like!" "Oh, thank you! You're so sweet!") And I tried to run a fog machine, but I think it's not working right. The fire alarm went off during Act One last night. (I heard that it wasn't from the fog machine, but from some contractors on the roof.) So everyone had to leave the theater and had to stand around for a while until "they" got everything reset. We came back in and the play went on like nothing had happened. The actors in this production are really great. I'm doing props again tonight and next Thursday and Friday. I'm really enjoying myself and meeting a lot of awesome people. Everyone is shocked to hear I'm married, but even more shocked when I tell them I'm 24. I keep getting told I look 19. I don't know how I feel about this. Obviously it's a good thing to look younger than you are, but I want people to take me seriously. Ya know?
On Monday I'll be auditioning for The Imaginary Invalid and I am terrified. Not so much that I'll fuck up my audition or anything, but that because this production is going to have a VERY small cast and since everybody and their mother is also auditioning I'm afraid there won't be room for me. It's not that I don't like Technical crew or anything, I just want to act dammit!
I've got my monologue all ready! I'm so excited about it. I think it's going to be a lot of fun.
I've gone ADD, sorry....
Love you guys!

oooh pretty colors

I've told everyone at this point that I color. I love crayons! I finally got my scanner working again so now I'm going to put up some of my most recent creations! (insert evil laugh here) The scanner doesn't really pick up the crayons as well as I'd like, but what can you do? Besides, if you assholes would ever decide to come visit us down here in San Antone, you can see them first hand on our living room wall.


First up, a little something for the BHS fans out there: Lady Doja



Next is : Rollerskating Genie! She'll make all your wishes come true!



And now, Jeremy's favorite:



I didn't really think this one needed a title.

Now I have two more that need titles, suggestions are welcome and encouraged.




And now my second favorite (Lady D is my #1)

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

So it's a new year.
I know everyone makes resolutions but I've had some revelations.
There are things about me and my life I want to be different. I want certain things from my life. I want more from my life.
And in order to get these things, to change these things, I have to do it myself.

I'm starting classes at San Antonio College on Monday. This means a lot things are going to be different. I'm going to try to limit my non-school related internet usage to 1 hour on school days. I will not be going out on a "school night" (as Brian and Abbie say) unless it's Jeremy's work related. I think I may stop smoking during the week too. If I want to do well, I have to take school seriously. I have to grow the fuck up. I'm not going to get all boring or anything, don't worry. You'll still have your Lauren on the weekends, but please respect my dedication to school, I want my life to be better.

I've changed my eating habits. As a result of being piss-poor for the last week or so, my food portions have been drastically reduced. Now I can't eat as much as i used to. Case in point-Jeremy and I went to this party for a film festival that's being held here in San Antonio last night and they served fajitas. I love fajitas! And there was this great rice and amazing refried beans, it was great! Anyway, they gave everyone 2 fajita tacos and beans and rice. I ate about half of my food and then just couldn't eat anymore. It wasn't so much that I was full, more that I ate until I didn't want to eat anymore.

I'm taking steps to take better care of myself and my husband. Jeremy and I have been married for 3 years now and these have been the best and hardest 3 years of my life. We are getting better about cleaning the house and paying our bills on time (what a concept, huh?).

All of these changes I am making/have made are really just the symptoms of me growing up. I'm 24 and no one is going to live my life for me or take care of me (except jeremy of course) or make my life what I want it to be.

When I was little, I used to think of myself grown up and glamorous. Recently I realized, I am grown up.

It's time to get glamorous, y'all.

My Favorites of 2008

Last night, Jeremy was working on his top ten albums of 2008 for that paper and I decided to make my own. It's not in any order, it's just a list of albums and movies I enjoyed in 2008. *Not everything on my favorites of 2008 came out in 2008.

Janelle Monae - This bitch is awesome. Janelle Monae is like a female Andre 3000.
Jeremy describes her music as Prog-R&B. I knew I loved me some Prog, but I had no idea it could be like this. Her album (more of and EP, really) is called "Metropolis: The Chase Suite" and listening to it really is like listening to a symphony (the first five songs anyway). Her myspace page (http://www.myspace.com/janellemonae) has a six minute "short film" for the song "Many Moons." It's all about a robot who falls in love with a human and so must be destroyed. The entire album flows seamlessly through the movements and the theme (yes of robots in love in the future) is carried well throughout. There is an ARIA! Monae's amazing, soul-insprir(ing)ed voice floats for the most beautiful 1:35 of 2008, this is one case where I'm ok with an auto-tuner. I know it sounds super geeky and lame, but it truly is an amazing, fun album.

Katy Perry - I know I already wrote about her, but I really, really like this album.

MGMT- Their album "Oracular Spectacular" was a good friend this summer. I really like their blend of like the Scissor Sisters and freak-folk. (this is based on my limited understanding of that term) It's great pool-side mp3 player material and not bad make out music either (more m.o.m. later). I like the spaceyness of it, it's just great to relax to, and maybe a little dancing to "Electric Feel."

Okkerville River - Thier 2008 album "The Stand Ins" is a companion to last year's "The Stage Names" and I've decided that 2007's album was better. When Jeremy first introduced me to Okkerville, I wasn't really feeling it, you know? But over the years I've gotten to really like Will Sheff's voice. The songs on "The Stage Names" sound so happy and fun, but if you listen to the lyrics, they're absolutely heartbreaking.

Black Mountain- As I said in "Reasons I will always be my 14-year-old self," I love really great classic rock. Black Mountain's "In The Future" is more like a worm hole to the past. The album came out early last year but I really got in to it after we moved to San Antonio. The very first song "Stormy High," makes me think of Janis Joplin and sex. This is grade A make out music. 100% Approved for foreplay.

The Dodos! - That's my !, not theirs, thier name is just The Dodos. Their album "Visiter" from this year is really great reading or bubble bath music. Kind-of folky, kind of like Animal Collective but less with fewer personalities, though no less character.

Department of Eagles - "In Ear Park" This trippy '60s throw-back album feels like that time I was sitting in the grass across the street from the entrance to Niagara Falls in Toronto when I was a freshman in high school. It was in May so it was warm but it's way up north so it was more like spring than summer, just humid enough, clear and sunny with a light breeze. I think colors are brighter in Canada, that's how I remember it anyway.

M83 - "Saturdays = Youth" This album came out right at the beginning of the summer I think. This is more of 2008's great make out music. I reccomend it for pool-side reading.

Human Highway - "Moody Motorcycle" This is my token "indie" album.

So here are other albums/artists I liked, but can't think of anything to say about them:
Vampire Weekend
Can
True Stories by the Talking Heads (the movie and the album)
Fleet Foxes
First Aid Kit (get ready for them in 2009)

MOVIES!
Some of the movies I liked in 2008 (short list, I can't think of a lot right now)

Synecdoche, NY - Absolutely brilliant, but as Jeremy pointed out, it may not have great rewatchability.

Pineapple Express - Of course :)

Space Chimps - Monkeys in Space!

HellBoy 2 - Seriously, I watched this every day for a week.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - Oh yeah, Warner Brothers made enough money off of The Dark Knight to postpone the release of HP5. Thanks a lot, Batman.

So I know this kind of petered out here at the end. I lost the steam and never really got it back. Hopefully when school starts back I'll get a surge of creativity. Have a great 2009!
Love,
Lauren

Mixed Bag

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